What if I told you that catching up with a girlfriend over a cup of tea or a venting session with a trustworthy friend isn’t just fun, but necessary for women’s mental health and well-being? Scientific evidence over the last several decades points to the fact that when women hang out, laugh, vent, or just sit in comfortable silence with their girlfriends, something magical happens. Their stress melts away, moods lift, and bodies relax.
Traditionally, stress research focused on the fight-flight-or-freeze response, stating that under pressure, people either fight a threat, freeze, or try to escape it. However, a 2000 research study at UCLA introduced a different model, called “Tend and Befriend.” This model suggests that in times of stress, women seek social support and build connections as a protective mechanism. When women spend time with friends, a hormone linked to bonding and trust is released, which leads to calmness and a more balanced mood. This study concluded that engaging with close female friends reduces the harmful effects of chronic stress in women.
Women who have supportive friendships tend to have better mental health outcomes, including lower rates of depression, anxiety, and PTSD. Spending time with close friends has a mood-boosting effect similar to that of physical exercise. Another research study found that women with strong social support had lower blood pressure, reduced risk of heart disease, and a 60% lower chance of premature death compared to those who were socially isolated. Interestingly, women who vented to their girlfriends after stress tests had blood pressure drop twice as fast as women who talked to men or stayed alone.
Despite the clear benefits, many women struggle to prioritize friendships. Work, family obligations and the expectation of “doing it all” often result in social time being moved to the bottom of their list of priorities. In my clinical private practice, I often talk to women who feel bad or guilty for spending time with their friends. On the list of reasons are things like mother’s guilt, no time in their busy schedules, and the necessity to take care of others before making time for themselves. All of these reasons are understandable and valid. However, we can’t ignore the overwhelming amount of clinical data. We now know that social isolation increases mortality risk as much as smoking or obesity, pointing to the importance of maintaining strong friendships. The great news is that having just one confidant and spending time with female friends even once in a while can make a positive difference.
So next time life begins to feel overwhelming or throws you a curveball, remember that hanging out with a friend isn’t a luxury, but necessary self-care. Go ahead and schedule a girls’ night out, because you are investing in your mental and physical health, one laugh at a time. Female friendships aren’t frivolous or excessive; they’re our secret weapon for a happier, healthier, longer life!
Dr. Julia Turetskaya, Licensed Clinical Psychologist in private practice in Los Angeles, California
References
- https://www.ie.edu/center-for-health-and-well-being/blog/the-healing-power-of-female-friendships-insigh ts-from-the-ie-student-wellbeing-survey/
- https://www.amenclinics.com/blog/the-science-of-female-friendships-why-they-matter/
- Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., & Layton, J. B. (2010). Social relationships and mortality risk: A meta-analytic review. Journal of Epidemiology & Community Health, 64(7), 580-585
- Kawachi, I., Colditz, G. A., & Ascherio, A. (1999). A prospective study of social networks in relation to total mortality and cardiovascular disease in men and women. Harvard Nurses’ Health Study.
- Taylor, S. E. (2011). Tend and befriend theory. UCLA Psychology Department. Retrieved from https://taylorlab.psych.ucla.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/5/2014/11/2011_Tend-and-Befriend-Theory.pdf